Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just high enough for therapy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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