Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
