In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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