I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
