508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
