"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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