been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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