Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
