Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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