i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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