So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
