made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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