I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's always time for handjobs
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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