She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
