u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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