Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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