My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
