look no pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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