At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
