he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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