Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize