I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
