butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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