Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
