Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
