Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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