I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
