I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
