How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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