I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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