OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
My vagina just recognized that song.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
