Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
