Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
