I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
