The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
