Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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