Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
