nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
worst night to have a conscience
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
