Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
