I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
