He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
