did you get engaged???
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
