if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize