He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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