Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
