Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
