Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
