So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
