I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
