Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
