And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
