I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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