Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
