you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
