Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
