I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
