I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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