totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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