You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
