so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
