Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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