i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
