I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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