you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
