Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
