It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You pole danced in your parka.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
