ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
