He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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